Wednesday, March 06, 2002

Go to -- NOW, hipster!

My whole life has moved there... along with my good pal, Jan! Woohoo.

Wednesday, December 26, 2001

like i heard her
backwards saying
i can take one thousand
and never be clean
of course she lied away
she is ten times heavier
stronger, then you found
the grave
or ever was
he's got it down name
you know what i need
who doesn't lie?
you know what i mean
if i'm never in
without you
like you don't know
i am so... angry
i am so... at ease
i feel just like
some great big disease
i think you need
ice water
but the only thing that
you really hate
is all its emptiness
ah, you'll swim
and i will drink myself to
if i'm never in
down with you
like you don't know

Truly beautiful. Damn, I'm tired. I'm just a frightfully lazy person. Can you say r E j e C t? Hahaha, sorry... I must add some stupid ghetto humour in. What is there to write.. what is there to write... hmm. Gosh, I'm bored. Whine bitch moan. Sorry.

I'm an emotional eater... which is bad. If I'm depressed/sad/mopey, I eat + eat + eat + eat. If I'm bored, I eat + eat + eat + eat. If I'm nervous, I eat + eat + eat + eat. In fact, the only time I can think of when I don't shove food in my mouth is when I am anxious or content. Although once in a while my nervous-osity will make me un-hungry. Yep. Why do I say this now? Because I'm hungry. I don't know if it's for any other reason that just hunger, though...

Sunday, December 23, 2001

dear, I fear we're facing a problem :// you love me no longer, I know :// and maybe there is nothing that I can do :// to make you do :// mama tells me I shouldn't bother :// that I ought to stick to another man :// a man that surely deserves me :// but I think you do

so I cry, I pray and I beg

love me love me :// say that you love me :// fool me fool me :// go on and fool me :// love me love me :// pretend that you love me :// leave me leave me :// just say that you need me :// love me love me :// say that you love me :// leave me leave me :// just say that you need me :// I can't care 'bout anything but you...

lately I have desperately pondered :// spent my nights awake and I wonder :// what I could have done in another way :// to make you stay :// reason will not lead to solution :// I will end up lost in confusion :// I don't care if you really care :// as long as you don't go

Boy, I'm on a Cardigans trip. Off to Bizerkeley... yay. I'm quite excited!
Why does being under 18 have to suck so much? Fucking hell.

Well, yesterday was semi-interesting. I ate everything in sight. How bliss. Some really weird guy was trying to pick up me + my friends... that was HIGHLY amusing. He followed us out of the mall... oh lord, it was kind of scary, eh? "Are you trying to run away from me?". Uh, duh Some other weird guy also said to me "what? you don't like red blood cells?" as he was listening to a conversation of mine about white blood cells. What a weirdo.

I still love you when the wind blows... been through this before...

[mad dog] God damn, I love music.

Saturday, December 22, 2001

Spectacular. I'm listening to this song called "Sunlight in the Rain" by Kelli Ali. It's the prettiest song... I can't wait for her album to come out. She has a single called "Kids" coming out in the UK sometime (late?) January... and I think I'll pick up a copy. I haven't heard the actual version of the song, but I have heard remixes and it seems like it's a killer pop tune.

Her voice is so darling. <3

Too many attractive men on the tele. End transmission.

Thursday, December 20, 2001

Woo, I'm in a good mood. Nothing too exciting happened today at school... but I did develop a new crush. I got to talk to them for the first time (I didn't like them before, btw)... and it was pretty cool. They're younger though, and that mega sucks. But, it's kinda cool... you know... I like crushes. They make me happy. I don't know if I have a chance (they're TOTALLY into some other junior) but... it's ok. I will just enjoy this feeling now :)

Wednesday, December 19, 2001

I wrote this song today. I finished the lyrics, I finished the music, I finished everything. I'm quite proud of it... it really sums me up about how I feel at the moment. Just in case you were wondering, this isn't the song I was talking about before.

so it seems we've reahed and end
-- but i don't believe it's over
we're both too cool to care
yet i know that deep down under
all of the resentment, all of the fear
something's still good, something's still here

now the flame has flickered
do you really want it to die?
i can't leave it that empty
you can tell by the way i try
i'm sure i seem stupid + maybe i am
but i will still continue doing all that i can

[chorus] i know what you're afraid of
but there's nothing to fear

at the least i feel embarrassed
foolish + dumb
and i'm turning quite angry
emotionally abused
i'm sick of all the lies
why must you involve a fucking nation?
and you know that by tomorrow
i'll think that the weight's on my end

i feel vulnerable
(i'm drowning)
you don't care - i'm ok
(i'm drowning)

so it seems we've reached an end
and it's ringing that we're over
we're both too cool to care
yet compared to me you're nearly freezing
and you say you've tried your best
yeah, that's what i have to believe in
now i'm spinning as i fall
with a reject and a farewell

Sigh. If you heard the music... it'd fit quite well. I think it's pretty. It's not slow, but it's more of a quiet song. My friend Michael says it's "universal!". Haha, he's a super guy. He also says that my "I'm drowning" part is questionable because of it's "woe is me" attitude. I guess that's true... but it's staying for now :)

<3 to all
Wow. Today was very, very, very uneventful. But that's ok...

I wrote a song about an hour ago (yes, I write songs. They're not too terrible, either... but, they're very "me"). I think it's pretty neat. It has this cool little bass riff... I'm so excited. The lyrics are very sarcastic, and I kinda just do this speakover thing with the same melody as the bass riff... sorta. "When I get a boyfriend, we'll go to a lake, a lake downtown and we'll get real high..." damn, fun stuff! It's written semi in the eyes of a "typical" high school student... you know the drill : daft, self-centred, aloof (all of which I am, so no I don't think I'm so cool). I think the lyrics are what the person who is the epitome of cool would be. Possibly. The chorus has a really cool line, to me...

when I scream for help
they'll all come running
but they're running away

Damn, I like that. But I'm not patting my own back... I'm just... bored. Entertain me. Do a jig!

Girls like to wake up at 3:00am to think about things. Hurrah!

Tuesday, December 18, 2001

Today was weird. I went from being terribley down... to riding a high high.... to now being completely nothing. I feel like I am unwhole, like I'm missing something. It's just... like... a riddle left unsolved, or something. I don't know, I feel as if I'm not explaining it well. I guess I really can't.

... reach out and touch faith! [depeche mode] ...